I want to make a zoo with you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
