She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
