ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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