I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize