I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Barsexuality is the new black.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
