In America we eat man semen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
