ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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