I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
