No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
