i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
