so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
