I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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