wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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