sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
