Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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