Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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