That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize