Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
