if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
