she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
