Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
