The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
