We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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