this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
