I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
