Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
