Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
