five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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