I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She bit a glass in half.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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