your thong is hanging out like whoa
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
