I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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