I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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