I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize