you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
