if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
