Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
