i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
