If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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