Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
