He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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