So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
