if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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