I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
