Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
