Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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