I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
