just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
