Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
