i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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