Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
