your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
