Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize