just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
