i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
