a queef is a wish your heart makes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
