I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
