Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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