I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
