I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
