I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
