thus making me awesome and them whores
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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