I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
