I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
try to milk me bitch
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