Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So much rum. So many feels.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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