You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
