guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
