Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
