Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
