he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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