As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize