He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
