I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
