She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
